March 11, 2006


You make your way to the university library after a harrying day at the office**. You find the book you want after a prolonged and difficult search. (Libraries these days have computerized catalogue searches, but that is exactly the point.) Then, and only then, do you realise that you’ve forgotten your library card. You return to the Abode*** at an unearthly hour and in some dismay, and crash without even checking on the Blog.

And you make your way to the library again the next evening, library card securely in wallet, and search for the book again, and try to check it out, only to find that your membership has expired. At any other time this discovery would be heartening, for it means that the university finally (finally) admits that you’ve completed your course, but at this particular moment it is rather unwelcome. You are told that books cannot be borrowed by an Ex-Member (the very lowest form of library-life, if the look on the matron’s face is anything to go by), and then you are given several important-looking forms that you shall have to fill out if you wish to climb the evolutionary ladder and become a Regular Member (as opposed to a Student Member, which you proudly were until the dawn of that fateful day). You return to the Abode at an unearthly hour and in some dismay, and steel yourself for the form-filling activities that are undoubtedly going to take up most of the weekend.

And then, out of sheer spite, you choose to blog about it.

* this title is, of course, incomprehensible to the reader. Said reader may take solace in the fact that it is equally incomprehensible to the One.

** the library and the office, naturally, are at opposite ends of the city. Country, even.

*** the Abode and the library, naturally, are also at opposite ends of the city.


And then the blog goes missing. Again. Bad, bad bloggy.

This has been a most trying week. One is not amused at all.


Casablanca said...

And I am curious... The One attends university in Singapore? Hmmm, much remains to be revealed...

Anjali said...

The lowest form of library life, actually, is a Member Who Keeps Books Past Their Due Date, Thus Depriving Other Esteemed Members Of Knowledge and Rightful Reading Pleasure.

Sigh. Yes, I am ashamed to confess, I have been there.

The Ex-Member is, of course, a close second. I sympathize.

One in a Billion said...

Casa: Used to, used to. Until one finished, much to the surprise of all concerned.

Anjali: Closely related to that unfortunate species, of course, is the Member Who Keeps Unfathomably Large Stack of Books On Reading Desk, Thus Depriving Other Esteemed Members Of Knowledge and Rightful Reading Pleasure. And then you have the most reviled Member Who Insists On Using Cellphone For Full-Throated If Utterly Pointless Conversation.

Shweta said...

Indeed it is being a bad bloggy, more than one was worried.

Anjali said...

Ah, One is back. Thank goodness. I had just finished linking to One with an inspired piece about Library Morality ... only to find the source of inspiration had vanished.

Distressing, to say the least.

Cynthia E. Bagley said...

Wow... I had wondered how One could finally get a membership in a university library. --Oh well... I am lucky that they let me into the little public library after I yelled when I brought back a book that some idiot had ruined... I found it, but because I had it last... I had to pay for it and still didn't get to keep the book.

Aditi said...

aww...One must be seriously frustated if he has blogged about this case you r not the Only One:P

Nessa said...

*the anonymous* has had an equally party-pooper-ish weekend.

All sympathies are with the One!

Casablanca said...

Pardon my curiousity... but didnt the one *just* move to Singapore? Or has the one lived there before as well?

One in a Billion said...

Shweta: Well, one shall now keep a watchful eye on it. A very watchful eye.

Anjali: Apologies – the ways of the blogosphere are still a mystery to the One. And veni, vidi, commenti.

Cynthia: Injustice of the worst order, that. One always scans through books before borrowing them, having had a similar experience a while ago.

Aditi: Thanks, sympathies are always welcome. And thanks for linking, too.

Nessa: Thanks. One can always count on *the anonymous*, of course (count on for sympathy, that is .. not count on to have party-pooper-ish weekends).

Casa: Well, one returned recently from a stint abroad. And now one is grinning from ear to cauliflower ear, for one has found a potential audience for one’s humble life-story! Better beware, Casa, for one is dusting off the baby-pictures and the birthday cards and even the old sixth-standard Hindi Composition notebook. You shall soon be subjected to The Unabridged Life-History of the One (in Technicolor and Dolby surround sound) unless you are very careful.

sinusoidally said...

Someone out there must not like you. But I do. So does that make you feel better?


Anonymous said...

To add to the list of lower forms:

Member Who Hides Much Needed Short Term Loan Books In The Old Aged Sections Of The Library Thus Esteemed Members Are Conned Into Thinking The Book Is Available But It Isnt As It Is Hidden.

Happy holi:)

One in a Billion said...

Sines: Aww, thank you. Much, much better now. You be one helluva doc :)

Dee: Ah, but said Member does not account for Member Who, Having Discovered That Desired Book Is In Fact On The Premises, Proceeds To Systematically Take Library Apart Until Said Book Is Retrieved.

Aur aapko bhi Holi ki rangeen shubhkamnayein.

Anonymous said...

*eyebrows raised* I cannot imagine tearing apart the short term loan section which is 3 stories high and many many many aisles wide. One wants to come to Toronto and teach such nifty tricks to Dee maybe??

And for wishes: :) par yahan rangeen kahan :(

Casablanca said...

You shall soon be subjected to The Unabridged Life-History of the One

Bring it on, I say :)

the Monk said...

Keep faith, One....books, in spite of the trials one undergoes to get one's hands on them, are worth the effort...and, seriously, good to know you're back...

One in a Billion said...

Dee: The only trick, as the Grand Hookumbo revealed, is persistence. And the only requirement is time. Even if three stories does sound rather substantial.

Aur yeh gulal, yeh pichkari ki kya zaroorat. Hum to jeevan ke rangon se Holi khelte hain.

Casa: Well, you’ve asked for it now. Really asked for it. Just you wait.

*wonders whether to begin with “It all began with a boy and a dream .. ” or with “In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit.”

Monk: They are worth it indeed, comrade. And one didn’t really go anywhere, actually .. one posts every week! Well, okay, almost.

Anonymous said...

Aur yeh gulal, yeh pichkari ki kya zaroorat. Hum to jeevan ke rangon se Holi khelte hain.

wah wah!!


Nessa said...

the One can count on *the anonymous* for both :'(

Twilight Fairy said...


spank the bloggy.. it'll be your turn to be amused.

Twilight Fairy said...

oh and BTW arent ur paranthesis at the wrong place or am i missing something? :p

Should be:
Bert : I know a man (with a wooden leg) named Smith.

instead of:
Bert : I know a (man with a wooden leg) named Smith.

aristera says said...

"bad bad bloggy"...R-O-T-F-L !

DeepBlueSea said...


:) Have to tell The One that this bloggy is truly one in a billion and is quite a rage with part-time Amdavadis who read it.

One in a Billion said...

Dee: *puts on best Shahrukh Khan expression* Aur jo jeevan ke rangon se Holi khelta hai use rangeela kehte hain. Kya kehte hain?
*Dee, you’re supposed to reply in suitably awed tone* “Rangeela.”
*Then we cut to the legendary Song Which Shows Shahrukh As Zorro*

Nessa: Well, *the anonymous* may likewise count on the One. For both.

Twilight: Nice to see you around again! But one does not believe in corporal punishment, even for blogs. And one understands your point about the brackets, but please, pleeease not to discuss them any further. One has received enough stick for that post :(

Aristera: Thanks, glad you liked!

Deepa: Thank you, thank you! We, too, are partial to the denizens of the Hometown (even part-time ones) and extend our reddest carpets for them.

A said...

The redness of the Amdavadi carpet attracts. A previously unadmitted Amdavad dweller now raises an interested eyebrow at the royal-ness of treatment promised:D

You've got a great blog:)

One in a Billion said...

A: Thank you, thank you, your Majesty! Please to step on carpet, like so, and we hope you like it here.

One's cup of copra pak, it overfloweth.

LAK said...

Brushing up my geometry, methinks, you can't have three opposite ends of the city, so it has got to be a triangle. Office-library-abode---different sort of triangle,hmmm?

One in a Billion said...

LAK: Hmm .. *intense concentration*
But the Abode and the office might be right next to each other, no?

And triangles there sure are. Everywhere you look. What to do.

LAK said...

Only One in a billion could have the abode right next to the office!

Camphor said...

The One Blog keeps going missing. *whines*

One in a Billion said...

LAK: Precisely ;)

Camphor: There, there.