November 15, 2006

Where credit is due

One had a dream, people. This was back in the days when laptops were as large as briefcases and cellphones had monochrome displays. We speak of the time when the Rock ruled the WWF and Vikas Bhalla pretended to rule our music channels. When nobody knew Mallika Sherawat. Yes, there was such a time.

Anyhow, the point is that one had a dream. A Burning Ambition, no less.

Young folks, it is said, usually dream of such things as buying a house, buying a car, getting married and settling down. Not the One. No. One aspired only to enter the databases of major telemarketing companies as a potential customer.

At the end of a long day spent listening to the protests of assorted Unclejis, she would dial the next number in that neverending list. A nondescript sort of number, its perfection not immediately apparent to the untrained eye.

One would receive the call with a curt hello, delivered in one’s burnished baritone. "Sir, would you be interested in the new credit card we’re offering sir ..", she would stammer. Yes, one would have that effect on people.

One would gently tell her that she had precisely two minutes to make her sales pitch. We have very little time, you see, us high-tech sorts. She would breathlessly list the merits of the scheme, while one made rapid mental notes. When she’d finished, one would make a general remark thanking her for her efforts while managing to work in a stylish pun about, say, the current economic situation in eastern Mongolia. One might then ask for further details, compare this with competing offers, and construct cost-benefit analyses.

Subsequently, after thorough rumination and extensive correspondence, one might agree to the purchase and leave her quite speechless with gratitude. Yes.

One was all prepared, too. To the point of reading up on the current economic situation in eastern Mongolia. But privacy, it seems, is a much bigger issue out phoren than it is back home. And such is the tragedy of one’s life. Not one call from a dulcet-voiced telemarketer, not one single unexpected tinkle.

Nevertheless, one shall soon be the proud owner of a credit card from a Leading Financial Services Company. So what if one had to go and apply oneself. Look, it comes with free movie tickets.

19 comments :

Brown Magic said...

hain dhuaan, hain dhuaan, bas dhuaan hi dhuaan.
kuch haseen dino ki yaadon ka hai dhuaan.
hain dhuaan, hain dhuaan, bas dhuaan hi dhuaan.
do jawan dilo ke vaadon ka hai dhuaan


I don't have a point. I just remembered the lyrics. I blame you.

tangled said...

I'm conscious now of posting where
I have nothing relevant to say
(your fault!)
So I'll just scream "oh, welcome back!"
It's all I'm thinking anyway

One in a Billion said...

BM: Ah. One recalls that it continued thusly: Waqt yeh meherbaan hai .. oho! There was something about that oho .. he had such an earnest I-coulda-been-in-a-boyband way of saying it.


Tharunya:

Posting with nothing to say ..
Well, 'tis hardly a crime.
And, in fact, if truth be told
One does that every time.

Anonymous said...

[...with a curt hello, delivered in one’s burnished baritone. ..., she would stammer. Yes, one would have that effect on people.]

heh..heh..heh.. :D


[One was all prepared, too. To the point of reading up on the current economic situation in eastern Mongolia.]

And this was a gem! :D


The post was worth the wait!

~N.


P.S.
But that doesn't mean that you make everyone wait so long. ;-)

One in a Billion said...

N: Thank you! And yes, one has been somewhat tardy re. posting. Will rectify.

LAK said...

What a dream! You're welcome to all telemarketers who come my way---I never fill up contest forms, for precisely this reason, that my number will be hawked like a peddler's wares to these afternoon-siesta snatchers---The other day I was offered a free holiday at a destination of my choice(out of three). Yep, I turned it down.

Anjali said...

Once upon a time, many aeons ago, when I was but a young innocent, I received a fat envelope bearing the legend "CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING A LUCKY WINNER". I held my breath, I steadied my trembling hands ... with reverence and disbelieving gratitude I opened the package ... only to find that it was a vile trick! A fiendish bait to lure innocent millions (for there were others - the whole neighborhood, in fact) into a subscription to the Reader's Digest. Needless to say, I was crushed and have never fully recovered.
My point, O One, is this. I, too, once had a dream. To win something, anything. But Telemarketing promises, beguiling though they may be, are just a variation of the fiendish Lucky Winner envelope. They want something in return, hard as it may be to believe. Be wary, be skeptical, be ruthless ... do not fall prey to these direct marketing tricksters.

One in a Billion said...

LAK: A free holiday, huh. Now why don't these things ever happen to the One, we ask ..

Anjali: You have returned, and directly proceeded to pry open one's eyes. Yes. You have shown one the true nature of things via a judiciously chosen example. One has understood. Never will one be lured into imprudent purchases by these diabolical minions. (Forcing Reader's Digest subscriptions onto unsuspecting members of the public! Whatever next!)

DSK said...

As I work for the Direct Marketing industry myself, all I can say to the rest of the world is "$#%^&".

All we do is get your heart to skip a beat, get your hands to tremble as you pick up the envelope and then sigh... for good or for worse.

My challenge is to just get you to pick up the bloody envelope!

One in a Billion said...

DSK: Oh, you guys do a great job. Now if only all your customers were more like the One ..

Padma said...

What? No 'unexpected tinkles'? We now get these very same calls from dulcet/husky voices with even music playing the background for added effect!
(music that is distinctly reminscent of the Vikas Bhalla era- coming to think of it!)
Phoren land sounds like a harsh place to live in!
But yes, at least you got movie tickets :)
Great blog!

One in a Billion said...

Padma: Music too? Sigh. You make phoren sound positively brutal now.

And a warm bienvenue to you. Enchanted to faire your connaissance, one believes the expression is.

LAK said...

Looks like you've disappeared in your quest for credit cards. Or is it that the One has been supplied with season tickets to the movies and hence has no time to blog?

Anonymous said...

Write another post already! What are you waiting for, Christmas?!

Heh..safe time of the year to use that phrase, because even if you say "yes", at least we'll get to read a fresh post by next week.
;-)

C'mon, write something!

~N.

tangled said...

why are all the nicest ones dead?

One in a Billion said...

LAK: No no .. actually there be an India trip in progress. Much pandemonium.

N: Ah well, we missed Christmas. Belated greetings, though. For the new year too. And one shall write something .. right about now.

Tangled: Nooo! Not true. Not true at all ..

tangled said...

Oooh, India trip!!
Much joy are there.
But posts better be forthcoming, or else etc.
Do stop by T's two travel trips posts. Were fun :)

Anonymous said...

Thank you! Greetings to you too. Wonder whether we'll be seeing more of you this year.

India trip sounds good. So the year's on to a good start.

Have fun & have a great year ahead.

~N.

One in a Billion said...

T: Look, posted already. And T's travel posts were very nice :)

N: Yes, you too. One does hope to write more this year. 'Tis a Resolution, actually :)